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Wednesday, January 22nd, 2003
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| Time: | 10:25 pm. |
| Mood: |  high. |
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Today was finals which obviously sucked. I got an extra head start in the morning though. Last night, some guys came over and brought chronic, smoked quite a bit out of my pipe...this morning i wake up and find nothing but white dust lining my pipe. I've been getting more fucked up lately...for obvious reasons probably.
I got the 311 DVD ... enlarged to show detail, Korn, I think it might be called asylum, and I got the hed (pe) BROKE CD. I usually don't just go out and buy things for myself, so this was kind of cool. I still have some money left on my best buy gift cards. I'm not sure what I really want yet. I should start saving up for a car so all my money can't be blown.
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(Smile)
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Saturday, December 28th, 2002
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Well, my mom didn't get the computer fixed, which was a slight disappointment, but not really because I got some stuff I really wanted.
My Top 3 Presents :
1. DRUMSET (I never, ever thought I'd actually get this.)
2. Glass Pipe from my brother
3. 204 disk CD wallet
So, all that is pretty cool.
I just picked up an oz last night which is awesome too. Next goal : save up for lb.
Yeah right ...
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(1 Smile | Smile)
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Sunday, December 22nd, 2002
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| Time: | 11:38 am. |
| Mood: |  blank. |
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I thought maybe I could start writing in this thing again ... whenever I find the time anyway or feel like it. It's Christmas vacation now though, so hopefully...my mom had the heart to get our computer fixed for Christmas, then ... I won't be without a computer everytime I am over there or have to come over here to use it. Not that I have even been on the computer much lately at all ...
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(Smile)
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Sunday, October 27th, 2002
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| Time: | 7:59 am. |
| Mood: |  tired. |
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After a week off of school I have to go back tomorrow.
Going back after a break is the worst ...
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(Smile)
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Thursday, October 17th, 2002
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wanted to smoke real bad tonight .... my brother called a few people .... found something .... i couldn't find my damn money .... brother got bag, i missed out on bag.
i find the money when i get home .... i think maybe it would've been better if i didn't find it at all.
ergh. its been a bad day overall... i could really go for a little something that I DON'T have!
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(Smile)
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Friday, September 6th, 2002
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| Time: | 4:34 pm. |
| Mood: | tired. |
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I just realized that I haven't updated since school has started so I thought I would just stop in and say hi to my journal...yada yada.
I have to work tonight (err), I haven't worked in quite awhile actually. Working on getting another job. (geesh, you have to work your ass off to find a job and then work on the job too, its crazy i tell ya)
Don't have much to say though, so I'm gonna get going...have to get ready.
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(Smile)
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Monday, September 2nd, 2002
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| Time: | 9:11 pm. |
| Mood: |  bored. |
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School starts tomorrow. Blah. I don't want to go!
My friends still want to get high before we go to school, but I'm not so sure about it. Maybe I'll just watch them and laugh at them.
I wouldn't want anyone to know, and sometimes I can be pretty damn obvious.
But, we'll see how things go down. Kassina is picking me up at like 10:30 (upperclassmen have a half day type thing).
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(Smile)
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Saturday, August 31st, 2002
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| Time: | 12:58 pm. |
| Mood: | bored. |
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Arnie has become such a pothead (or wannabe at that), its pathetic. Curly never wants to be sober...ever. Cory always wants to drink, but Cory is the coolest about it. He's a cool guy.
Seriously though, all Arnie ever talks about or wants to do is smoke pot ... its like geesh, give it a rest. I wonder if he realizes how desperate he sounds sometimes. He is probably getting royally ripped off because people know how he is. But, oh well, let him live how he wants.
I'm also sick of Curly always fucking judging and hating. Last night he said something along the lines of "I hate the preps..every fucking one of them." And just went on and on about it. Now, normally I keep my mouth shut, but I was just like "You can't hate a whole group of people, do you realize their individuals?" I actually couldn't even get out that whole sentence, much less what I would've liked to say. Because "You can't tell me what I fucking can and can't do, I fucking hate them, fuck you, blah blah blah."
Things I hate about people - Judging, Lying. The two worst to me. Judging brings hate, Hate fucking sucks.
So, to recap last night...
7:00 - Kassina calls, tells me we're going to the concert with Rory, Cory, Arnie and Curly.
7:45 - Kassina picks me up, apparantly we are not going to the concert anymore, we are going to Shark's to play pool or something like that.
8:00 - Get to Curly's, watch the rest of the Korn video that they had playing, decide what to do.
8:30 - Go to Varsity football game, where everyone that I am with complains about how they don't belong.
9:30 - Decide to Toilet Paper someone's house (yes, this early), so we do Shannon's house since they are out of town. I drop my cell phone and keys so we have to go back and find them. (only took a couple seconds)
10:30 - Left with nothing to do, decide to stop by McDonalds and visit Bob...Bob isn't working, but Dustin is, so we talk to him, eat, and then a bunch of other people show up at McDonalds that are about to fight. So, somehow we get in on this.
11:00 - We go to Mike's house so he can get some of his "fighting gear", go to Settle Inn to wait for some people, then we cruise on over to the Starlite diner where the fight is supposed to be at.
11:30 - We get there, completely outnumbered. Kassina and I wait in the car, nobody that I am with fights, yet when they come back they act like they are a huge part of it. All worried about the police and what not. It's very pathetic really.
11:45 - Stop by Gas Station, get gas, bathroom, then drop Cory, Curly and Arnie off at Four Star Restuarant so they can walk wherever they want from there.
12:00 - Get to Lyssas, hang out with like 6 girls for awhile.
2:00 - Leave Lyssa's house (Lyssa thinks we went off to do drugs or something because everyone else stayed over - we DIDNT). Go to Wal-Mart.
2:05 - We get to Wal-Mart, actually have a lot of fun looking for our products and self-checking ourselves out, etc.
2:30 - We get back in the car and go back to my house
3:00 - Go online, nobodies online, watch some TV (TVland, Batman), and go to sleep.
Our nights are always so ... pointless? I don't know, but last night was pretty stupid.
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(Smile)
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Monday, August 26th, 2002
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| Time: | 10:29 am. |
| Mood: |  aggravated. |
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School starts on September 3rd. I am definitely not looking forward to it, but I've gotta get my shit together and at least do somewhat well.
My schedule for shits and giggles ...
1 Physics
2 US & World 11
3 Spanish 3
4 Lunch A
5 Developmental Psychology
6 Advanced Algebra Trigonometry
7 Psychology
8 Mystery
That's just for the first semester ... but I know it will be one hell of a year. Ah well.
My brother has his piss test in approximately 20 minutes. I hope everything goes okay and good for him, he really wants/needs this job. (He bought a DeTox drink)
Hopefully when he gets home we'll have a good smoke, maybe watch Lord OF The Rings or do something. I'm bored already. Damn.
I'm also kind of angry with Arnie. I don't want to be, and I don't mean to be, and I know its over some trivial thing but that doesn't stop my feelings and I am simply being honest. He said that he'd call me at 4:00 yesterday, called at about 6:15. When he called he told me not to go anywhere and he'd call me when he got home, well ... 12:15 rolls around and he finally calls me, and he has been home for a long ass time. Ignores my question as to why he didn't call...wahtever, thats fine. Then, we see Curly and Arnie walking on Kassina and mine ride home, so we stop and talk to them, when Arnie tells us that he smoked that night...which he also told me that he didn't do. I mean, I wouldn't normally be so pissed off, but he has been acting mad at me, and I don't know what I could've possibly done. He also told me that he would call me, and asked if I wanted to go to his brother's party with him 2 nights ago...I told him yes, that I would go. He never called me. Well, I think that it is just all of these things combined into one that makes it somewhat of a big deal to me, though I know that it shouldn't be. I've got to stop letting these things get to me. Let the boy live how he wants. I just hate being lied to and wish that people would follow through on their word. Also, maybe the main thing is the way he has been acting ... like he basically hates me. Well, fuck him! Argh... *deep breathes* Okay, I'm alright. I just wish I'd know what the hell I did to make him act all weird, maybe its nothing and I guess I'll just forget about it and give it time. As one of my favorite quotes goes ... "Everyday just smile, forget and make believe we never needed anymore than this." (my brother made this one up too)
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(Smile)
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Sunday, August 25th, 2002
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old song, but good nonetheless. go download it. now.
Hide your face forever
dream and search forever
Have you ever been for sale ?
when your isms get smart
oh so selfish and mindless
with that comment in your eye
Do you think that you are hard ?
really harder than the other
man you're acting cold
if you are not in charge
Don't split your mentality
without thinking twice
your voice has got no reason
now is the time to face your lies
Open your eyes, open your mind
proud like a god don't pretend to be blind
trapped in yourself, break out instead
beat the machine that works in your head
Will you offer me some tricks
if I ever need them
would you go into that room
if I call 'em
Do you think that you are better
really better than the rest
realize there's a problem
I know that you can give your best
Have you ever had a dream?
or is life just a trip?
a trip without chances
a chance to grow up quick
Open your eyes, open your mind ...
Hide your face forever
dream and search forever
night and night you feel nothing
there's no way outside of my land
Open your eyes, open your mind ...
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(Smile)
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Friday, August 23rd, 2002
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I haven't really sat down and thought or written in so long. I used to all the time. I've just realized though, and have been realizing for awhile how much my life has changed. And, I don't know what to think of it. Whether or not I am happy with the changes. I thought I was happy but now I'm not so sure really. Things are just so different. And, it makes me sad. Maybe I'm just looking for an excuse to be sad or something because I haven't been in so long.
I was also thinking awhile ago ... I don't like myself. I don't like who I am, maybe it is who I've become. I don't like people in general sometimes. But, I am just being a hypocrite by saying that, because I am just like everyone else.
Looks like I'm gonna go smoke some "candy bars" now though, or maybe just watch. I don't want to get anyone sick. I'll maybe write more later. Night.
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(3 Smiles | Smile)
| Time: | 10:29 am. |
| Mood: |  sick. |
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Wow. Am I ever sick, and does this ever suck. I could barely wake up this morning ... I mean, get up. I was awake way too early but my body was just so sore and such. After moving around for a little while I gained a little energy and was actually able to fall back asleep until Arnie called at 10:30. (yay! back from New York!) He got me a little Bob Marley ash tray thing w/a pot leaf on his shirt and him smoking a joint. Arnie knows me all too well. :)
I decided to just stay in today and rest ... I don't want to get anyone sick and I have to open tomorrow morning at work. I hope I did everything OKAY closing last night at work. Eep. I did sell well ... a total of 2 bottles of lotion ... so I made like $6 in commission anyway. Which is good considering I had to pay $7 into the cash register when I screwed up on something - I just bought the lady back her minutes. Ah well.
I'm out. Stay healthy!
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(Smile)
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Thursday, August 22nd, 2002
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Well, I officially feel like SHIT. I had to get sick, I just had to. My mom even called me to tell me not to go over there for a few days because my ma and brother were both sick. Well, now my brother is better but I am sick. Damnit, calling me didn't stop my brother from coming over here. And, I guess sharing a pipe and computer with someone isn't the best thing when it comes to spreading sickness.
I have to go to Driver's Ed today and tomorrow to make up for classes I missed in like December. It's gonna suck, thats for sure, but I'll handle it. I should really actually have my liscense by now. I don't even have my temps yet, I really am pathetic.
I also work by myself for the first time today, I'm scared ... I haven't worked in quite the while so I'm afraid I'll forget things / screw up real bad. But, I'll just have to hope for the best. I'm sure that I'll be a little slow but people are just going to have to deal with it. I guess I would also be a little excited if I didn't feel so damn shitty. I really didn't want to be sick for my first day of work, but ... things don't always work out the way you want/plan so I am just going to have to deal with it.
Last night, we hung out at Curly's for awhile, like we always seem to do. Craig was supposed to hook us up w/a bag, but he could only find some stuff for $50 for shitty stuff. What the hell is this place?!
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(1 Smile | Smile)
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Monday, August 19th, 2002
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Last night, well... would've been a really fun night. I smoked with my brother at my dads, then went on a burner and to burger king with him. Then, I went to Curly's house really late, where they already had a bottle of raspberry vodka over half gone. I told them I wasn't going to drink ... everyone went nuts, and well I wanted to drink a little so I went for it. Took a couple shots - about 4, and then everyone started passing out on me already while I was having a good time , so I just sat around and sipped on some whiskey.
Bob gets pissed , it might've been because I was sharing a chair with Cory (we hate each other anyway, so it didn't mean a damn thing). We just both wanted this chair and I think we were pissing each other off.
Anyway. I went upstairs to get Bob, told him to come back downstairs. Bob does so after awhile of me convincing and after I go downstairs. All of a sudden, it is almost time for them to go. I want to get Curly back up in his bedroom because now all of a sudden he is having a really fucking bad time - a lot of dry heaving. So, I'm worried and I'm not going to be able to get Curly upstairs by myself. Bob is about to leave, so I convince him to help me get Curly upstairs. Well, we get him up there and in bed and we try to help him out a little bit. Then, Cory and Bob go and leave me there taking care of Curly and Kassina while I really just want to throw up myself. Kassina is in the bathroom, I go out to see how she is doing and Curly stumbles on out ... he did this twice. And I had to get him back into his bed both times. One time, it worked saying "Dottie (his mom) is home" and he found enough strength in him to get the hell back in bed and told me to lock the doors, etc. etc. Then, when he found out Doty really wasn't home, he stumbled back out to the floor! So, finally I get him back in there, trying to convince Kassina to help me. This whole time Curly is telling me about how much he wants to die and such (not just because of the alcohol), and I'm just sitting here trying to console him. (He also wants more alcohol)
Kassina is already out an hour passed her curfew and we've really gotta go. So, I threatened to call my dad a few times, and was going to - but I guess that I didn't have to. I shut everything off for Curly and we got out of there real fast. I was worried about him, but I figured there wasn't much I could really do except for be there for him. But, he didn't want me to call my dad, his mom was going to be home soon, so what was I to do? I was ready to pass out this whole time myself.
So, finally we left, and I hope Curly is alright. There is puke everywhere in the basement and a little in Curly's room. Kassina says she's never goign to drink again. (I've said that quite a few times before). I decided that maybe I shouldn't, I think there always needs to be a sober person around. And, if no one else wants to do that, I can.
So, I guess that was my night in a nutshell. Sure, it was really fun in the beginning, but.. what is to be done? I can't even remember if I threw up myself last night of if that was just a dream. If people are going to drink, they've got to learn to drink in moderation - which is hella hard as soon as you start.
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(Smile)
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Sunday, August 18th, 2002
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| Time: | 3:31 pm. |
| Mood: | bored. |
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Well, I guess Kassina really wasn't mad at me the other day. (just wanted to clarify that) I actually think that maybe she really just doesn't like being left alone. That could quite possibly be it.
Arnie's in New York, Kassina and I hung out with Curly and Corey last night. Cory actually smoked pot, which was... odd to say the least because "he doesn't do that". Ah well, it was a boring night. We walked into McDonalds all baked though and saw a couple people that I know from Kimberly.
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(Smile)
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Thursday, August 15th, 2002
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Kassina: i am so fucking bored
Kassina: what is a website to go to
DanielleLgh: umm... www.wearerobots.com
DanielleLgh: or are you not exactly in the mood for humor right now?
Kassina: well i am listening to music so i cant hear what he is saying
DanielleLgh: lol well yeah i guess that kind of defeats the purpose ;-)
Kassina: yeah
DanielleLgh: you do realize your driving me nuts, dont you?
Kassina: no
DanielleLgh: im just worried about you is all
Kassina: why would you be worried
DanielleLgh: you can tell that somethings not right, you know that
DanielleLgh: i dont want you feeling like that
Kassina: well i do not want to be at home because arnie is fucking gay and suddenly decides not to stay there unless of course you did
Kassina: and i am not doing anything tomorrow night
DanielleLgh: :-( but it seemed like you were on the verge of tears nearly all night
Kassina: no
DanielleLgh: i really wish you could just tell me straight out whats going on...i mean, if its something i did or am doing please tell me, itd be best for me to know
Kassina: i told you, i am pissed because i do not want to be home
Kassina: and quit always fu cking thinking its you goddamnit
DanielleLgh: but you were pissed in the car and at curlys too
Kassina: beeeeeeeeeeeecause i did not want to leeeeeeeeeeeeeeavvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeee
DanielleLgh: okay okay, im sorry ... it just seemed like there was more to it than that, thats all.
DanielleLgh: arnie would've stayed over there if you had wanted to, or stayed later anyway
Kassina: he knew i wanted to
DanielleLgh: i actually think that he thought you were upset, so he figured that you wanted to go home, you know?
Kassina: he did stay later, but i am not gonna come home at like 3 in the morning, my mom is always downstairs
Kassina: no
Kassina: obvoiusly i would not be trying to get him to stay if i didnt want to
DanielleLgh: yea i guess
Kassina: yeah well anyways i am going to bed now since i have nothing better to do
DanielleLgh: alright, ill talk to you later
Kassina signed off at 12:27:48 AM.
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(Smile)
| Time: | 12:15 am. |
| Mood: |  worried. |
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Kassina's pissed. I don't know why but trust me, I know. I feel so bad though I just don't know what to do. And, I definitely have that feeling that it has something to do with me. It could've possibly been when I said something along the lines of "well, does it have anything to do with me" and she just didn't respond. She didn't respond a lot actually.
I worry about Kassina, and its so sad that I have to worry about my friends but so many people in this world have so many damn problems its not even fucking funny. Sometimes I think that we are living in hell.
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(Smile)
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Wednesday, August 14th, 2002
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It really fucking sucks how laundro isn't working worth shit lately. I have an active e-mail account up there and sometimes I have to check my mail.
Grr... I'm sure its hard to maintain such a big site but I'm just ranting.
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(Smile)
| Time: | 9:13 am. |
| Mood: | blank. |
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Well, registration is today, I don't know when we will be going... hopefully not too soon. I really don't feel like getting my picture taken. Grr. Ah Well. I'm sure I'll live, I suppose. I have no idea what to do with my hair or wear though. I'll probably just be as scuzzy as usual. Might as well be remembered the way I am, right? Or at least that is the way I always looked at it.
Yesterday Arnie and I went over to Matt's house. This boy I don't get. We ended up smoking two bowls while we were there and then the other guy smoking with us was going to trade Matt for another nug. Well, this guy wanted to save the nug until some girl got there so she could catch a buzz. So, Matt decided that we could either smoke it now for free or he'd have to pay for it later. Things like that just leave me questioning... why?! Because I just don't get what would even posess him to think of such things and all.
Matt is a cool guy though. I guess. I must say that he is really weird though and he is so friendly and such that he seems entirely fake, although Arnie assures me that he is not. The guy actually quit smoking pot 2 weeks ago which I think is really cool on his part. Pot really is a pretty stupid thing, I guess. (Oh, and by the way...like I was questioning the other day, I'm pretty positive there isn't a mental addiction of any sort going on there.)
Tonight, I have to work...which kind of sucks, but I guess its okay. I'm working with Lorie, she's a cool gal and fun to work with so it shouldn't be too bad. Hopefully we won't be too busy though.
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(Smile)
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infinitefiery's journal
okay.
content.